When talking to ourselves and to others, we should create positive and uplifting moments to increase productivity and build strength in relationships. As a teammate in your group, office, or on your team, be the one who continually finds ways to build positivity and uplift others in little collisions. Be interested in others’ lives and who is important to them. Give compliments more often. Make people feel like they matter. Appreciate it when someone helps you or does something good.
Negativity holds a greater emotional weight than positivity, so it is remembered more and for longer. Researcher Dr. John Gottman found that the magic ratio is 5:1 for positive feelings and interactions to negative ones in order to maintain a happy relationship. This means you and a teammate/coach/friend/boss need to have five positive interactions to every one negative interaction to maintain stability in that relationship. This is not easy if we are not intentional about creating these moments. Give it a try and see if these relationships improve. In the process, your likability and leadership will grow as well. Remember, positive talk is productive talk.
We’ve discussed fear and growth the last two weeks. Both circle around failure, and our thoughts about and approach to failure is key to where we go. Resilience in failure Is what we need to be our best living on the edge: bouncing back with each setback and trying again to chase growth. This is what it looks like to live outside your comfort zone and keep getting back up again and again. Resilience is the secret.
A quote about this key ingredient of resilience is, “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." As long as you are giving full effort and evaluating your outcomes, failure should not be seen as a bad thing. Let yourself face failure, face fears, live life on the edge of your capabilities, but be so resilient that you get right back at it when you fail. This is the kind of athlete we want to coach, the kind of employee we want to hire, and the kind of person we want in our circle.
Building this resilience is like a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it is to bounce back! Practicing it will make it more of a habit and more of who you are. (Those who don’t practice it are typically fear averse and miss out on opportunities because they stay hung up on a time they failed.) Be the one who shows others what it’s like to fail and then work harder, to bounce back quickly from mistakes, and to face fear as an opportunity to conquer and grow!
Comfort zones are nice. We can all picture our comfort zone where things are easy, we feel in control, and the fears in our head are relatively quiet. But the sad truth is that there is no personal growth in this place. We must push ourselves out of these comfort zones to experience growth and become better.
No matter what you are pursuing or what your craft is, make sure you don’t stay in a comfort zone for long. Find a new edge, and push yourself along that edge. Inevitably, we will fail here at this edge. And that’s the whole point. It’s hard, we don’t quite feel ready for it, and we aren’t good here yet. But the key word is yet, and working outside of that comfort zone is where growth happens.
Expose yourself to fears and get outside your comfort zone. When you push yourself to this growth zone, remember this acronym for fear: False Expectations Appearing Real. We worry about expectations such as “I will never be good at this” or “If I was talented I would already be good at this”, but these aren’t factual thoughts. Anyone who is courageous enough to put in the work on the edge will grow and get better at those skills, it just takes time and commitment.
At Peak workouts, we try to push athletes outside of their comfort zone, but it is actually a choice the athlete must make. It’s the individual’s choice to compete on that edge where you aren’t quite successful yet, but giving the effort to get better (and yes, it’s uncomfortable and scary). As a basketball player, you want to live on that edge every day, because there, you will get better faster.
"Get Better" is our PEAK blog, providing you with content to help enhance your game, your mind, and your relentless pursuit of the process! Enjoy.
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